"Are they laughing at us? No they are laughing next to us", what to do about bullying

An issue which I think many parents are aware of today is bullying.  There are local and national campaigns against bullying, which are admirable  but often miss the mark when it comes to special needs children.
When I was working in a public school, which had wonderful, kind and considerate teachers, great kids etc. one of the meanest things the kids could call one another was a "sped" (special education kid). Often such name calling went unattended or "unnoticed" but it really bothered me.
People think that special needs children often aren't hurt by such name calling becuase they don't respond or seem unaware of it. This is only true, part of the time.
Many children who have everything from learning disabilities to Down syndrome to autism not only "get" that kind of thing they are deeple hurt by it but are unable to respond to it.

A recent study called: "walk a mile in their shoes" reported that special needs children are not only more likely to experience bullying but that it can be an almost daily event. Contrary to popular belief, home schooled children are not immune from experiencing bullying. They often have to deal with less of it but they do experience it and sometime just being homeschooled single the child out for bullying.
When my daughter was young, she had a girl tell her: "I won't play with you because you are home schooled. Home school kids are weird". My very verbal, strong daughter's response: "I'd rather be home schooled and thought to be weird, then to know I was a rude bully".
As a family we have worked hard to give our son skills to deal with direct bullying and he does well. He has told children to their face that they are either rude, unkind or unfriendly. The biggest problem though is the whispers behind his back or the "subtle" types of verbal abuse which he often doesn't pick up on.
 The other "unseen" victims of bullying are the parents.
As a mother, a part of me dies, every time I hear someone being called a moron (this was what autistic children were once termed), or when some well meaning person comes up to me to tell me my son has done or said something.
Children on the spectrum often look "normal" but their speech and behaviors are not. I can always remember one women in a grocery store telling me I needed to smack my son because he was telling me he needed to go home. She thought he was being undisciplined. I knew he was using an appropriate way to let me know he was overstimulated by the store. What he had done previously was to cry and scream when the store became too much for him.
In conversations with other parents, I know that some people think claiming your child has autism (or other special need such as ADD etc.) is just an excuse to not discipline your child, or that it is a result of "bad" parenting. My response to people who have said this to me is that they are welcome to "choose" my life for a day and see how that works for them.
Sometimes I have experienced bullying from other parents who have autistic children. I do not and have never followed a special diet, my son was fully immunized (and no this did not cause his autism) etc. There are people who will bully you when you do not adhere to their way of thinking. If a special diet works for your child or if it does nothing more than empower you to feel that you are doing everything you can to help your child than more power to you. I support and salute you.  In return I ask that you support and salute me and my family in how we are living with out special needs child.
As parents of special needs children we need to dis0able bullying on all fronts, and model correct behaviors to our children and the rest of the world by supporting on another, not tearing each other down.

My life with Spongebob: tips for staying sane when your world is not.

First off I realized it has been a while since I posted anything in this part of my blog. Another school year has passed by at an alarming rate and since we just finished our year-end testing, I felt I needed not only to clean the house, but also clean up my blogging act.
Any home schooling parent will tell you that if you let it life can run away with you. With a child on the spectrum it can be especially so since a lot of your energy goes into just getting up and getting through a (school) day.
This year went well in the sense that my son finished most of his school work and he was able to take an IOWA test with some modifications. I ordered the test well in advance and had him take one to two sections a day. With his school work he worked through his language arts, math and reading programs but social studies and science were still a bit hap hazard. He did participate in an art show, displaying some of his work there, played in the student piano recital an danced with the other children in the ballet school's dance recital.

a multimedia project my son entered in an art show

One things that has not really "gone away" is his passing obsessions with logos, adds, cartoons and antropomorphic characters. In the past his "friends"( as sad as this sounds, to him these are his friends; he can relate to them, they are predictable and accepting) have included Thomas the Tank engine, Lightning McQueen and Mater from Cars, and Shaun the Sheep. I did not mind so much when he recently got all hung up about the minions from Despicable Me. They are sort of "cute" and they talk in jibberish so there is less opportunity for my son to pick up inappropriate phrases that he does not understand.
His latest "friend" however is Sponge Bob. I am not too thrilled about this because Sponge Bob tends to be rude, there is all sorts of inuendo in the scripts, which he doesn't understand but repeats ad-nausem, and Sponge Bob is just ..annoying. Imaging being woken up at 7 a.m. to be told: "Sponge Bob did such a funny thing"...
My son tends to speak in scripts so when he is in Sponge Bob mode all sorts of stuff comes out. I had a "delightful" child come and tell me the other day: "Mrs. Sharp, did you know he was saying ....".
How do you handle this sort of thing? Thankfully like most children on the spectrum, M is very aware of rules and explaining to him that it is rude, or "against the rules" to talk that way often puts a stop to it.
Can you turn this into something positive? Yes. Although all this scripted talking and perseveration can drive me to the brink of insanity you can turn it to your advantage. Sometimes we use the scenes to act out appropriate behaviors and attitudes. I have used some video's as teaching tools or taken the stories to force my son to write his own "adventures".
One thing I realized is that my son does need some Spongebob time. When he told that that these are his friends he was serious. He does not have any human friends but these cartoon characters are his friends. I allow him sometime, sometimes setting a timer, where he is allowed to talk about his friends and interests. Once the time is up he has to move on to other things for a set period of time.
Ways to maintain  sanity: 1) carve out some time for yourself. I sometimes will tell my son that I need a break or time out. I set a timer, grab a cup of coffee and go to my room.
2) give your child perseveration time/minutes. You can get some chips, tokens or set a timer. The child is then allowed to talk about his favorite subject for 5 minutes, 10 minutes, what ever increment of time you feel you can cope with. Give out the chips/tokens as rewards for work done etc. Once the child has used up his allowance for that day, he's done.
 3) As hard as this is, try to take whatever is positive and emphasize this. If Sponge Bob is a good friend, does something silly/funny, is kind etc. praise him. It does sometimes help if the parent praises the character "into the grave".
4) Laugh and turn things into an opportunity to laugh when ever possible. Our lives are absurd; if we try to focus on good things, rather than what could have been, what isn't or will never be, we just end up depressed. This isn't pie in the sky thinking but it helps to keep going as we are in it for the long haul. As Patrick said to Sponge Bob:"Are they laughing at us? No, they are laughing next to us".