"Are they laughing at us? No they are laughing next to us", what to do about bullying

An issue which I think many parents are aware of today is bullying.  There are local and national campaigns against bullying, which are admirable  but often miss the mark when it comes to special needs children.
When I was working in a public school, which had wonderful, kind and considerate teachers, great kids etc. one of the meanest things the kids could call one another was a "sped" (special education kid). Often such name calling went unattended or "unnoticed" but it really bothered me.
People think that special needs children often aren't hurt by such name calling becuase they don't respond or seem unaware of it. This is only true, part of the time.
Many children who have everything from learning disabilities to Down syndrome to autism not only "get" that kind of thing they are deeple hurt by it but are unable to respond to it.

A recent study called: "walk a mile in their shoes" reported that special needs children are not only more likely to experience bullying but that it can be an almost daily event. Contrary to popular belief, home schooled children are not immune from experiencing bullying. They often have to deal with less of it but they do experience it and sometime just being homeschooled single the child out for bullying.
When my daughter was young, she had a girl tell her: "I won't play with you because you are home schooled. Home school kids are weird". My very verbal, strong daughter's response: "I'd rather be home schooled and thought to be weird, then to know I was a rude bully".
As a family we have worked hard to give our son skills to deal with direct bullying and he does well. He has told children to their face that they are either rude, unkind or unfriendly. The biggest problem though is the whispers behind his back or the "subtle" types of verbal abuse which he often doesn't pick up on.
 The other "unseen" victims of bullying are the parents.
As a mother, a part of me dies, every time I hear someone being called a moron (this was what autistic children were once termed), or when some well meaning person comes up to me to tell me my son has done or said something.
Children on the spectrum often look "normal" but their speech and behaviors are not. I can always remember one women in a grocery store telling me I needed to smack my son because he was telling me he needed to go home. She thought he was being undisciplined. I knew he was using an appropriate way to let me know he was overstimulated by the store. What he had done previously was to cry and scream when the store became too much for him.
In conversations with other parents, I know that some people think claiming your child has autism (or other special need such as ADD etc.) is just an excuse to not discipline your child, or that it is a result of "bad" parenting. My response to people who have said this to me is that they are welcome to "choose" my life for a day and see how that works for them.
Sometimes I have experienced bullying from other parents who have autistic children. I do not and have never followed a special diet, my son was fully immunized (and no this did not cause his autism) etc. There are people who will bully you when you do not adhere to their way of thinking. If a special diet works for your child or if it does nothing more than empower you to feel that you are doing everything you can to help your child than more power to you. I support and salute you.  In return I ask that you support and salute me and my family in how we are living with out special needs child.
As parents of special needs children we need to dis0able bullying on all fronts, and model correct behaviors to our children and the rest of the world by supporting on another, not tearing each other down.

My life with Spongebob: tips for staying sane when your world is not.

First off I realized it has been a while since I posted anything in this part of my blog. Another school year has passed by at an alarming rate and since we just finished our year-end testing, I felt I needed not only to clean the house, but also clean up my blogging act.
Any home schooling parent will tell you that if you let it life can run away with you. With a child on the spectrum it can be especially so since a lot of your energy goes into just getting up and getting through a (school) day.
This year went well in the sense that my son finished most of his school work and he was able to take an IOWA test with some modifications. I ordered the test well in advance and had him take one to two sections a day. With his school work he worked through his language arts, math and reading programs but social studies and science were still a bit hap hazard. He did participate in an art show, displaying some of his work there, played in the student piano recital an danced with the other children in the ballet school's dance recital.

a multimedia project my son entered in an art show

One things that has not really "gone away" is his passing obsessions with logos, adds, cartoons and antropomorphic characters. In the past his "friends"( as sad as this sounds, to him these are his friends; he can relate to them, they are predictable and accepting) have included Thomas the Tank engine, Lightning McQueen and Mater from Cars, and Shaun the Sheep. I did not mind so much when he recently got all hung up about the minions from Despicable Me. They are sort of "cute" and they talk in jibberish so there is less opportunity for my son to pick up inappropriate phrases that he does not understand.
His latest "friend" however is Sponge Bob. I am not too thrilled about this because Sponge Bob tends to be rude, there is all sorts of inuendo in the scripts, which he doesn't understand but repeats ad-nausem, and Sponge Bob is just ..annoying. Imaging being woken up at 7 a.m. to be told: "Sponge Bob did such a funny thing"...
My son tends to speak in scripts so when he is in Sponge Bob mode all sorts of stuff comes out. I had a "delightful" child come and tell me the other day: "Mrs. Sharp, did you know he was saying ....".
How do you handle this sort of thing? Thankfully like most children on the spectrum, M is very aware of rules and explaining to him that it is rude, or "against the rules" to talk that way often puts a stop to it.
Can you turn this into something positive? Yes. Although all this scripted talking and perseveration can drive me to the brink of insanity you can turn it to your advantage. Sometimes we use the scenes to act out appropriate behaviors and attitudes. I have used some video's as teaching tools or taken the stories to force my son to write his own "adventures".
One thing I realized is that my son does need some Spongebob time. When he told that that these are his friends he was serious. He does not have any human friends but these cartoon characters are his friends. I allow him sometime, sometimes setting a timer, where he is allowed to talk about his friends and interests. Once the time is up he has to move on to other things for a set period of time.
Ways to maintain  sanity: 1) carve out some time for yourself. I sometimes will tell my son that I need a break or time out. I set a timer, grab a cup of coffee and go to my room.
2) give your child perseveration time/minutes. You can get some chips, tokens or set a timer. The child is then allowed to talk about his favorite subject for 5 minutes, 10 minutes, what ever increment of time you feel you can cope with. Give out the chips/tokens as rewards for work done etc. Once the child has used up his allowance for that day, he's done.
 3) As hard as this is, try to take whatever is positive and emphasize this. If Sponge Bob is a good friend, does something silly/funny, is kind etc. praise him. It does sometimes help if the parent praises the character "into the grave".
4) Laugh and turn things into an opportunity to laugh when ever possible. Our lives are absurd; if we try to focus on good things, rather than what could have been, what isn't or will never be, we just end up depressed. This isn't pie in the sky thinking but it helps to keep going as we are in it for the long haul. As Patrick said to Sponge Bob:"Are they laughing at us? No, they are laughing next to us".

Building "therapy" into every day

As home school teachers we have to be careful that some of our time is actually spent at home, working on school work. Depending on where you live, the number of activities: music lessons, art lesson, 4-H, scouting, dance, swimming, can seem endless. Add in a child who needs therapy (speech, occupational and physical therapy) and you could spend your day, in the car driving from appointment to activity.
In the beginning, we were fortunate that the therapists came to our home but once M8 hit 5 that ended. After that it was (and still can be) a constant juggling act to get to where we need to be.
Not only that but therapy can be , well, no "fun". Also, for therapy to be effective it needs to be done every day.
There came a point when I realized that I had to set limits because I just could not do it all. Que "at home" therapy. Home schooling is ideal for this.
 I built in many different activities which could be deemed "therapy" but made it a part of our everyday school. Some physical therapy exercise are done while saying times tables.
M8 had a great need for pressure and bouncing so we would play M taco's and roll him in blankets while reading a story.
Since I sew, I was able to make some of the necessary equipment myself. First thing I made was a weighted vest. This gives a child some neural feedback and can be calming. It can also provide a great, non-verbal, signal such as "it is now time to sit in a chair to do something". We only used it when M8 needed to do his handwriting or another (relatively short) seated task. It is important not to use it all the time because it loses it's effectiveness.

Weighted vest, using modleling clay as weights

The next item I made was a ball bag. Our OT had one of these but it was very expensive. I went to Jo-Ann fabrics and bought some mesh fabric (the type used for sports shorts) and sewed a big bag. Then I got ball pit balls by asking on our local "free-cycle"  (an online place where people can offer items up for free that would otherwise be thrown away) if anyone had some they wanted to get rid of. A lady who lived just around the corner from me had a huge number of them and was delighted that they were finally off her hands.

Mesh ball bag with ball pit balls.

 The purpose of the ball-pit bag is to give the child all-round neural feed back. Also, because the bag is (still) big enough for the child to get into they can get in, "hide" (some children on the spectrum need this to get away from over-stimulation) but still see out. The fabric of the bag is slightly stretchy and also gives a little resistance.

M8 getting into his ball bag

For what ever reason, M8 loves this ball bag. Often I will let him get in it between  school activities for several minutes. This seems to help him focus and we have less sensory seeking behaviors ("mom I need a hug" or being grabbed or pinched).

Another thing we began was  The listening program a form of auditory therapy. Before beginning this I researched it carefully as there are a lot of dubious things out there. All most everything associated with autism also carries a pretty hefty price tag.
This program has some properly done studies to back up what they said. Also, knowing some of the issues that M8 has, severe perseveration (talking on and on about one subject), sensory seeking behaviors, drawing the same pictures and sensitivity to sounds, I felt that this might be helpful to him.
We began this two years ago. One of the things I noticed during the first 10 week cycle was how his drawing improved (he used more colors and would draw different things. Other than that I didn't think it made much difference. The two times 15 minute break I got while he was listening though was worth it to me!
It was a friend of mine who brought something significant to my attention. "what have you been doing with M"? she asked me one day. What do you mean? I asked. "Well, he isn't climbing all over you anymore and touching everyone". That was when it hit me.
A really annoying set of behaviors that he had (pinching, climbing on me, especially while we were out and the worst grabbing my thumbs and jumping up and down practically pulling them out of the socket) had stopped completely!
Being a scientist by training I had been taking notes and observing M. I noticed that when we got to CD 5 and 6 his behaviors changed. During the second cycle, M8 came down one day when the phone rang and ask: "I heard the phone. Is it for me"? To someone who does not have a child on the spectrum that sentence may seem unimportant but to me it was huge. For the first time M referred to himself as I  and  me. Also, that he was interested in the phone which had previously terrified him.
Did the Listening program "cure" M's autism. No, but his and our quality of life did improve noticeably.
There are many other little things that I have built into our (school) day that could be termed therapy but I have tried to make them fun. M and I bake cookies together but we do it non-verbally. This helps him really interact with me and promotes a natural eye gaze because he has to look at me to figure out what we are going to do next.
Having a child on the spectrum means that you are in it for the long haul. You have to come up with creative ways to make that journey sustainable for you and your child.
In a future post I'll talk a bit about ways to set up a supportive learning space for all your children.

Summer fun?

I am sure that many home schoolers wonder: what should we do when school is out in the summer? There are families that homeschool year round, while others take a break during the summer.
What do I do? Does a long break cause problems for M8 because of his disability?
Before M8's diagnosis, summer was the time I used to clean up, re-group, refresh and plan what we were going to do next school year. I still like to do that but as the years go by I am less organized and more tired. I need a plan and some routine or left to myself and my inclinations I would sleep late, stay up too late and not acheive anything.

E13 loves a long break in the summer, because it gives her time to hang out with friends, read lots of books and do "extra" curricular things. She has been learning to fly so she spends a lot of time with her nose in a very thick manual learning ab out lift, aeordynamics and other "fun" things.
 Some people would consider this school work; higher level physics usually is but for her it is a break.

I debated what to do for M8. A long break messes up his routine and that is something he and other spectrum children thrive on. We have had some more crying episodes than usual because we are doing more out of the ordinary things (going to swim in a pond for instance, going on a long road trip, vacation Bible school). On the other hand, he has actually been playing.

Many children on the spectrum have trouble with pretend play or even playing in general. M8 has suddenly started playing, using a script, with his trains again and has been building some elaborate track lay-outs.
The other thing that he has wanted to do was the new fractions program from Math-U-See. Every day he ask to watch the video lesson and do a home made work sheet. He, how great is that, a kid who wants to learn fractions.
Going with the flow, taking field trips, cleaning up (not much fun bu essential) are the best things to do during the summer.
Homeschooling days or hours can sometimes seem long but the time we have with our children is short. Before we know it they will be grown and leaving our homes so it is best to make those times exceptional, fun and memorable. How you define those words depends a little on the child but do not be afraid to do it.

Shadows and Sunshine

Shadows and sunshine

One of the big life events that overshadowed our families' life, was M8's diagnosis with an autism spectrum disorder (ASD, Aspergers) several years ago. 
At the time, it was as if the world stood still and slowly shattered into pieces. All my education told me the "facts": autism is a developmental disorder with no known cause, no known treatment or "cure", people effected with autism have less than a 4% chance of living independently as adults, many need constant care and support. 
My faith told me that God did not make mistakes, that He was sovereign and had a purpose for me, our family and our son. The big problem was putting those two things together in a way that made any sense.
I remember talking and weeping with two friends who have sons with Aspergers, reading many books, web-post etc. The help and support I have had over the last few years, especially from one saintly friend BL, who has several special needs children meant so much. If through writing an occasional blog I could help one person that would be worth it to me.

 One book that resounded with me was, Sharon Hensley's book Home Schooling Children with Special Needs
Sharon has an autistic daughter, whom she home schooled. In her book, Sharon described those first dark days, after receiving her daughters' diagnosis of lying on the floor weeping and struggling with that same dilemma: If God is in control, if He is sovereign, if He does not give us more than we can bear, why is this happening and why do I feel so crushed?
Now four years later I can attest to the fact that God was there in that deep pit, that He extended His hand and when I took it, He helped me take one step. Was there some huge miracle? Was my son suddenly cured, was life suddenly easy? No. Especially in the beginning, the biggest achievement was getting out of bed in the morning and taking one step. However, I am thankful that every single day I get to witness how God is working a miracle in my son's life, in my life and that of the rest of our family. So, some of my blogs will be about homeschooling special needs children: my ddE13 who is gifted and a sibling of M8 who has ASD.
The other day, I was sadly telling M8 that soon E wold be all grown up and would leave home. "Don't worry mommy", M said, "I'll always be with you". When I suggested that he might not , he said: "Oh I cannot leave". "Why not, I asked? " Because, I am your sunshine", he said.
For there to be shadows in one's life, there has to be sunshine!

About the SharpScience books

I am often asked how I choose the books used for the SharpScience lesson plans, where they can find the books and how to obtain the lesson plans. Another question about the books and the lessons plans is what world view do they represent?
I choose the books because they were well written, had beautiful, engaging stories and art work and illustrated a given science topic well.
All the books are available for purchase through booksellers such as Amazon and Barnes & Noble, at your local library or through inter library loan. I purchased some of the books at our libraries' annual book sale, used curriculum sales and yard sales but the majority I borrowed through (inter)library loan.
If you are not familiar with inter-library loan, it is a great resource to obtain books for free or little cost. Your libraries' reference desk should be able to help you with the process. In my case, I was able to order the books I wanted in advance on-line and then I would receive an e-mail notification to come and pick them up.
How can I preview or obtain a SharpScience lesson plan?
Currently, the only way to obtain a sample or a SharpScience lesson plan is to contact me. I am working on having downloadable items for sale but am not there yet.
What World view do the books and SharpScience represent? I would say neutral. I am a Christian and a trained scientist. I choose books that would illustrate science topics and scientific information accurately. I also carefully choose books that were thoughtfully written, had engaging story lines and were well written. Few of the books were written by Christians.
I wrote the lessons plans to allow the parent teacher to emphasize their families' world view as I believe that in home education, it is the parent teacher who is the final authority on that subject. I strongly advise anyone considering using the books or any of the materials to preview them and to adapt them to suit their needs.
Feel free to contact me if you have any other questions in this regard

Introduction to SharpSciene Volume 1

Sharp Science: An elementary level science curriculum.

Developed by Hilary Sharp-Baker: April 2005.

Sharp Science, copyright 2005, Hilary Sharp-Baker all rights reserved.

Introduction:

This curriculum came about because I love science and feel it is an important part of a well-rounded education.When it came time for me to teach my elementary-aged child, I assumed, incorrectly, that there would be a wide variety of materials available. Elementary-aged children have a natural aptitude for scientific inquiry, which needs to be encouraged, nurtured and stimulated. The materials I found for young children were either too simplistic, too difficult or too involved.

While looking for materials, I had many conversations with parents and elementary level teachers.  The message I heard repeatedly was that teaching science was overwhelming because it was too hard, boring, or because the teacher did not like science or, did not feel “smart” enough. I believe that this general fear, dislike and loathing of science stemmed in part form the type of instruction they had received as students.

My main goal in developing this curriculum was to lower the threshold for parents and teachers so that they will not only want to teach science, but will enjoy it! Yes, really! Through a combination of good books, exciting demonstrations, crafts and other activities I hope to introduce you to the world of science. You and your student(s) may even discover that you already know some of the topics and concepts addressed.

The lessons in SharpSciene cover a wide range of topics including: scientific method, states of matter, the properties of water, specific gravity, plants, insects, birds and mammals. The recommended books are available at local libraries or through inter-library loan. The materials for the demonstrations, activities and crafts are common items found in and around your home or are available at craft and hobby stores.

The curriculum is very flexible with only an occasional seasonal lesson. For instance, you will need to teach the lesson on autumn leaves in the autumn so that you can observe, collect and study leaves. Each lesson has several activities to choose from so you can adapt the lesson to your student’s needs and inclination. Use the curriculum one day a week or spread out the lesson over a longer period.

In the lesson plans, I talk about the student or your student and refer to the student as her. This is merely a literary device to help me be consistent in my verb use etc. All the lesson plans follow the following format:

v Book title

v Summary

v Scientific concept (s)

v Learning objective(s)

v Anticipatory set or demonstration

v Detailed procedure (s)

v Activities

v Materials and Equipment

v References and Supplemental Materials